Non Compos Dentis

In a bygone era, before the onset of my decrepitude and feebleness at the age of twenty-eight, my teeth were a thriving vibrant community, merrily passing around the bottle of highly acidic soda to and fro as a sign of unity. It was an El Dorado of orality, the best of all possible mouths. Sure, my gums would bleed if a dentist would poke at them with a pointy object, but that is a sign of common humanity: if you prick them, do they not bleed? Yes, my teeth were mortal, but they were robust, zappy fellows who could flex some impressive enamel. My teeth were laissez faire capitalists who had pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, not lazy good for nothing teeth that needed government handouts of floss to survive.

In all my life, I had never had a cavity. Even though I didn’t floss regularly, I did brush my teeth regularly. But when I went to the dentist recently, he discovered several cavities! Why is it that a filling has simply made me feel more empty inside? I feel like a cyborg, my mouth now the fusion of man and inorganic materials, something that is less than human. Prick the filling ... does it not not bleed? So now, any time my tongue touches the area, I must resist the urge to poke at it like a piece of food that's stuck there, since what is stuck there is now permanently attached, and if my tongue did successfully remove it, I'd just have to go to the dentist and have another squatter put there! I suppose the filling is teaching me about prejudices that I never knew I had, forcing me to see the plank in my own teeth. Sure, I had always accepted that other people might have fillings, and it was all right for them (their teeth were a bunch of pansies!), but I always saw it as a mark of their inferiority. I was unaware of how unwelcoming a community my all-white teeth neighborhood was, waving its sign, "grey inorganic thingies need not apply." I was close-minded and close-lipped.

Speaking of closing, I should probably end this now. I don't know if there are other tooth snobs like me out there, but I hope I've given you something to chew on.

-Leopoldtulip