It's the Thought that Counts ...

Valentine's Day is a day for giving something special to the people we love who are in our lives. One of those somethings special is a card. There are, of course, a large number of appropriate occasions for sending people a card--birthdays, weddings, etc. It bothers me that, in the past, a lot of places on the internet would let you send great e-cards for free, but nowadays, they charge money! Because so many of the ecard places are just interested in making money rather than helping people, it's refreshing to find a place that sends out free ecards, so you can pass along a token of your love to people who have meant a lot to you without having to pay for it.

Despite my predisposition to support such services, I must admit that I am not quite sure what to make of the free ecards available here at inspotla--take a look at the sample ecard above. Now, I suppose it's sweet, and kind of humanitarian, that, after you have given someone a sexual disease (a "token of your infection," perhaps?), you inform them of it. But ... with an e-card? With a joke? Now, I recognize that advertisers need catchy phrases to attract the attention of the consumer, but I don't really see a need to "sell the product" here. Granted, let's say you've infected a person, and you're a little nervous about how they will respond: do you really think that throwing a little joke in there will lighten the mood? It'll just leave them feeling crabby.

I can't help reflecting that, if it used to be considered bad form to break up with someone over the telephone rather than face-to-face, there's also something at least marginally bad about revealing this kind of information by an ecard. Now, I can anticipate the argument: "People with STDs can't be expected to be mature enough to tell previous partners personally, so we need to teach them to send ecards!" (It reminds me of the argument, "Kids can't be expected to be mature enough to control their sexuality, so we need to make sure they can be safe and use a condom!") And I guess if I had to choose whether it was more polite to send a tacky card or to cause someone's death, Miss Manners might recommend I side with death prevention.

I want to say I am not here taking issue with people who unanonymously send ecards because it contains important service information, nor am I taking issue with the people who feel a need for ecards like this. What I find fundamentally disturbing is simply the fact that people do feel that there is a need for anonymous STD-warning ecards. It concerns me that after some people have engaged in what should be the most personal/emotional/intellectual/spiritual type of union possible--that they should have become "naked" in the fullest sense of the word (not just physical)--they now feel they must cover themselves in a cloak of anonymity from people with whom they were once "one" (even if it was "only a one-night stand"). I find it alarming that some people who use the service may think that by sending an ecard, have done "enough" or "the right thing."

Don't misunderstand me: I realize it has to be incredibly hard, probably shaming, to confess to someone you may have given them a disease. After all, as my last entry showed, I felt ashamed about asking a waiter to repeat his instructions on how to do fondue, and I can see that's a whole lot less embarrassing than the STD thing. But if people really care about a person they have put at risk of disease, they should contact him/her personally, not send them an anonymous ecard. (If they don't really care about that person, they need to learn there's something terribly wrong. Without cultivating a capacity of true charity and love, humanity means nothing. "Love of God" and a "love of others" is the ultimate goal and summary of the ten commandments, but that's for another time.)

An anonymous ecard is like a hit-and-run--"Sorry I ran you over, here's the address of the nearest hospital, I hope you can find someone to give you a ride." A receiver of such an ecard may well be freaked out and feel completely alone. True, some receivers might want to be left alone by the person who gave them a disease, but some might also need that person to listen to them, sympathize, give them a sense of closure, or answer questions they may have. It's not just about injuring someone physically with a disease, but injuring them on an emotional level, and the ecard might only make the latter type of injury worse. It may fracture human relationships and emphasize the physical health of the body at the expense of the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional health of the soul. Yes, the body counts, but it's the thought that counts, too.