When the Wife's Away ...

My wife left for a conference on Thursday, and I miss her. Even the attempt to perform macho activites does not compensate. Even though I have two fellow males in the house, it appears that neither Cricket nor Pippin is the least interested in cards unless they can lie on top of them. Thursday night, I got together to play a game called Arkham Horror--a cooperative game in which everybody wins by destroying the ancient evil, or everybody loses. Well, everybody lost.

When I went to the grocery store to pick up some bachelor food, I decided to treat myself. I was not going to get just any macaroni and cheese, but velvetta! I was not going to get the cheap 10 cent ramen, but I was going to go all out and get the 15 cent kind! Yet even at the grocery store, I was struck with disappointment as I walked by the discount bread section and thought, "We could have some discounted gourmet bread ... but she won't be there, and I do not eat bread in guy meals, unless it is attached to meat."


Last night, I was going to watch Bubba Ho-Tep, which arrived from Blockbuster online and would presumably appeal to my masculine sensibilities, but this dream was ripped asunder by the discovery that the DVD is hopelessly scratched! When I tried to console myself by eating my manly ramen, after I threw in some chunks of bacon that my wife would probably have told me to throw away but which I couldn't get rid of because there was nothing green living on it, I got diarrhea. This did not happen to me before. Has being married made my digestive system soft? Would my DVD player had played Bubba Ho-Tep if there were not cooties around telling it that it should not play such hormonally charged movies?