Passion Without Precision: Or, Why I like the Wii

I am a citizen of klutzville. I've never really gotten the hang of the whole "fine motor skill development" thing, which made sports one of those activities to which I vaguely aspired but didn't want to be known as "Mr. Lose us the game" Leo. I suppose part of what drew me to Cross-country in high school is that no coordination was required, so I couldn't drag the team down with me. Besides, since it didn't involve my hands or a ball, there were fewer potential body parts to maim. Heck, even with Cross-Country, I constantly managed to sprain my right ankle.

Over Thanksgiving, we visited my wife's side of the family, where I got to engage in all sorts of sports--bowling, baseball, and tennis--all within the comfort of someone else's home. As some of you might remember, one of my fondest activities when visiting my wife's family is to play their video games, so I can reap the full benefits of a game without ever paying for it, in a non-piracy non-immoral kind of way. As an indication of how out of touch I am with the outside world, when my brother-in-law announced he was bringing over his Wii, I had no idea what it was.

What is a wii? It's a motion-sensitive game system. No longer do you play "baseball" simply by hitting a button at the right time: now, you have to swing the controller at the right time as well! Now, I do have a few quibbles about the wii, but they mostly revolve around their name. When I hear the sound "wii," I think adjective, as in, "wee little beastie." To the degree that I associate the sound "wii" with being a noun, it is only when you say the word twice and are talking about the bathroom. I guess there's no reason why we can't simply rehabilitate the phoneme so it has fewer associations with natural functions, but it would have been easier just to pick a different name.

One of the most impressive features of the wii is it refutes the common objection that computer game systems encourage people to be couch potatoes. I haven't had such a good workout in ages! I was so sore from playing the wii that it was only through sheer strength of will that I successfully lifted my arm in the air to brush my teeth. Even so, my tongue had to come to my aid and spread the toothpaste around a bit.

I suppose what I like best about the wii, however, is that I don't have to be good at sports. I was very hyperactive as a kid, accidentally kicking people at mealtime because I couldn't sit still. I had had the energy to run around doing sports, but I didn't actually have any skill. In real life baseball, it doesn't matter how energetically you swing a bat if all you are hitting is the air--the air currents just aren't enough to make the ball reverse directions. In real-life bowling, it doesn't matter how hard you throw the ball if you aimed it directly at the gutter. However, the wii often rewards such exhibitions of energy! I, who am virtually incapable of actually hitting a ball in real life, hit nine home runs out of ten possible on the wii! On the wii, I have consistently got bowling totals that were actually three digit numbers! I don't have to aim, I just have to move my hand at the right time and with enthusiasm! Now, occasionally my bursts of exuberance have unfortunate consequences in real life, such as accidentally swinging my controller so high that I hit the ceiling with it. Still, no one was injured, and I think I convinced people that the whole thing was intentional on my part.