Barney Hate Crimes

I have never liked Barney. After learning that the EEF was suing Barney to defend the on-line free speech of blogger Stuart Frankel, it was even easier to wish ill upon him and his descendents, yea, unto the fourth generation. Evidently, Barney's cronies have been sending threatening letters to anti-Barney sites to quit being so bloodthirsty. For instance, the down-loadable role-playing game "The Jihad to Destroy Barney" says--well, really, do I need to say anything more than the title? (If you'd like to see Frankel's original site, see here. If you'd like to see the modified site to assuage Barney's lawyers, see here. Speaking as a graduate student, I also highly encourage you to download Stuart Frankel's dissertation; we academics are thrilled when anyone besides the members of our dissertation committees actually read these things.)

Frankly, my first inclination was to make fun of the litigious little dinosaur. I mean, he's rich, he's picking on the weak, maybe he needs to be knocked down. But then, I realized it might seem contradictory for me to argue such a point, given that my last entry was all about how Pluto ought to sue the scientific community for defamation of character and being called a dwarf. Even though Pluto is pretty huge so far as dwarves go, his size has not prevented his victimization by the scientific community: so why should I treat it as "bad" for Pluto to get kicked around but celebrate it in the case for Barney? So for this entry, I'll try to be a little more sympathetic with him.

I know, I know, Barney doesn't "exist," so we can't really hurt his feelings. And it's not as if these "Kill Barney" groups are advocating people kill African-Americans, Muslims, homosexuals, people who are dressed in dinosaur costumes, etc. But I did start to imagine how it would feel as a child who did look up to Barney seeing people glorify his destruction. One of the things I really don't like about flag-burning is that, important as it is to critique the United States government (or any government), I think there are better ways than celebrating the destruction of a symbol that holds meaning to a lot of people (especially vets who have risked their lives). I'm not into burning Korans, I'm not into burning flags; I think it's jerky. (Whether it should be against the law to be a jerk is a different matter, but who wants to insist on the constitutional right for oneself to be a jerk?) Being a super-hero fan when I was a kid, I would have been at least mildly traumatized if there had been a "kill Batman" game where you could shoot him, hack off his limbs, etc.. Sure, the broody guy had some psychological problems, but I don't think he merited torture and dismemberment, any more than a purple dinosaur promulgating a message of love would. And if I happened to be the genius who invented Barney, I'd probably be somewhat saddened to see a creation of mine gleefully maimed. Of course, I'd also be somewhat saddened to see a creation of mine being banal and singing stupid songs, but that's beside the point.

Both sides (pro-Barney and anti-Barney) are making a major faux pas here. By celebrating the wanton destruction of an iconic figure, the anti-Barneys risk turning Barney into a martyr: a proselyte to Barneyism could lament, "All he wanted was for us to know that he loved us, that he wanted us to love him, and for that, you have killed him!" But Barney has also made a significant mistake. For example, if Jesus were Barney, and one of his followers sent threatening letters, He would have said, "No more of this!" and miraculously healed their internet connection or something. The true disciple of Barney would espouse a message of love and self-sacrifice; he or she would not place hope in a Barney multi-million dollar corporate kingdom in this world, but in the next.