This Book does not Exist

I was looking around Amazon and was surprised to discover a review for a book that does not exist. The reviewer, Sean McKeever, writes, "Hi. As the author of the material, I'd like to point out that this edition was never published by Marvel Comics. The material claimed to be reprinted in this volume has yet to be reprinted beyond its original comicbook format. Since Marvel has collected the first six issues of Inhumans in digest format (see ISBN 0785117555) there is a chance that this, the remainder, will one day be reprinted." McKeever's The Inhumans Vol. 1 is very good, which is why I was looking around Amazon for his work.

His comment got me to thinking what an incredibly surreal experience it must be to see a book on Amazon, supposedly by yourself, that is non-existent. When I am particularly bored, I sometimes just type the word "Leopoldtulip" in amazon.com, but it's not like I actually expect to find anything there. To be honest, I'd feel rather weird if I didn't get the message, "No results matched your search." What would I do if it brought me to a description of the book, The Best of the Realm of Pseudo-Profundities? I guess I'd stare at the screen a little. Perhaps I'd feel a little flattered that some people thought my material offered sufficient commercial promise that they consequently stole it from me. But mainly, I'd wonder what the heck was going on.

If I were the writer of the above amazon review, however, I'd probably also feel a little cheated. Any time that I typed in my name Sean McKeever to survey the several pages of listed publications all by me, my eyes would always focus on that one book. The non-existent edition that "has yet to be reprinted," because apparently the stupidheads at Marvel don't know what's good for them. Forever taunted with the reminder that "there is a chance that this, the remainder, will one day be reprinted," but believing it probably never will be. It's demoralizing enough for authors that Amazon lists books that are out of print without listing editions that never were in print. As an author, one would always feel a sort of painful attraction to the entry--the book that does and does not exist at the same time. (Yes, I know it exists in individual comic book form--much as these blog entries exist as individual blog entries--but not in one collected edition.) Once a week or so, maybe you'd check to see if anybody of "The emperor has no clothes" temperament has written a comment, "Umm, isn't Amazon only supposed to list books that actually exist?" Finally, you just cannot take the indeterminacy anymore: you are going to leave a comment!

The additional weirdness factor is that you don't simply have to leave a comment; you have to rate the book according to a five stars system. So how do you rate a nonexistent book? Especially if you know it may someday exist, and you don't want the ratings skewed. And especially if the book is written by yourself. I respect Sean McKeever, because he only gave his work three stars. I was tempted to write my own review of his book (if it's a non-existent book, I have just as much right to review it as anyone else) and give it five stars as a reward for his being a classy guy who didn't give himself high ratings.

The only slightly more surreal experience I can think of would be if Sean McKeever googled his name and found his way to this blog entry. Should he leave a comment to say whether my speculations at all resembled his own? Pretend that this blog entry, like the book, does not exist? If there are any surreal questions you would like to ask Sean McKeever if he ever visits this blog, leave a comment below.